Whale crossing ocean to mate starting to think long distance relationship not for him

A GRAY whale travelling from the east coast of Russia to Mexico in order to mate is starting to have doubts about his long distance relationship.

Whale Tom Booker admitted a 70-day trip for companionship and hot sex ‘takes a toll on you after a while’.

He added: “Listen, I love her, but… The distance, man. Am I travelling all the way just for a quick shag? I hate to say it, but I feel like it’s true.

“I sometimes feel like I’m missing out, maybe I should just live my life here at home and get to know different whales.”

Sources have confirmed that his partner in Mexico is currently mating vigorously with a multitude of new partners.

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Woman moves into loft to avoid family

A WOMAN has converted her loft space to avoid having to live with her family.

Eleanor Shaw of Worcester said: “It was that or starting a new life in France, but the exchange rate is a bit crap. And it would be less handy for popping back to help with spelling homework on a Sunday night.

“Actually, I suppose I could have just asked them all to stop shouting, arguing over Lego and winding me up in a variety of different ways.

“Or I could have worked harder on the family dynamic and got us all to be nicer, calmer people. But it felt easier to hire an architect, get quotes from builders and then spend fifty grand.

“All I need up here is a stash of Toblerone and a kettle, and I’ll never need to go downstairs again.”