A crack user’s guide to why Brexit is amazing

BREXIT will be so good. Soft and warm and fuzzy all over. But let’s take a closer look, if you just give me five minutes to score again and then reload my pipe…

First toot
Right, so, what? Shut up? I’m talking. We won, okay? We won. The Chinese lost and now they’ve got to go home and we’ll be offered their houses as soon as they’ve gone. In fact who needs to be offered them? We’ll just take them. Boom. Yes.

Second toot
Things are getting blurry. What about freedom of movement? What about trade deals? What about the Backstop? What about the Crackstop? Yes! Let’s smoke some more crack…

Third toot
I don’t know what we’re doing any more. But thankfully neither does anybody else. Just keep scoring it, loading up the pipe and talking to a weird vision of Nigel Farage in the corner of the room until it’s all sorted out…

Smack
It’s the only natural progression, so let’s get started. Why not have another referendum where we leave Planet Earth? Who needs this fucking planet anyway? Also, I can’t feel my face.