Friday, 5th June 2020

No-deal Brexit will mean only three flavours of crisps

A NO-DEAL Brexit will mean that Britain’s only crisp flavours will be ready salted, salt ’n’ vinegar and cheese ’n’ onion, manufacturers have confirmed. 

From March 29th, unless an agreement is passed by parliament, fundamentally un-British crisp flavours like maple bacon, barbecue and jerk chicken will leave supermarket shelves permanently.

Brexit secretary Stephen Barclay said: “And good bloody riddance.

“We’re not against progress – plans are in place to introduce beef crisps within two years and prawn cocktail by 2025 – but there’s too much of this European filth clogging our newsagents.

“You know what I saw the other day? ‘Chilli’ crisps. Chilli. How can they be real? No wonder people are saying bad things about Churchill.

“And let me add that the salt ’n’ vinegar crisps will once again be in a blue packet, and cheese ’n’ onion restored to their rightful green. God save the Queen. As you were.”

Following the announcement Theresa May denied that Britain will be reduced to just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry ice-cream after a no-deal Brexit, because there will also be Neapolitan.