Does evil lurk ‘down there’?

Dear Holly,

An older lady at work has approached me in a lascivious manner and I am not sure whether to bow to her advances. Someone told me that lady parts start to grow teeth after a woman hits forty. Honestly, I am scared of the horrors I might unearth if I go there. Am I right to be cautious?

Clive

Lutterworth 

Dear Clive,

Don’t believe everything you hear. The truth is that women get better and better with age like the Millennium Falcon. ¬†My granny was born hundreds of years ago but I managed to teach her how to use Twitter recently. At first she was tweeting nonsense about rich tea biscuits playing havoc with her piles and posting twitpics of her tartan wheely shopper parked outside BHS, but she seems to have got into the swing of the whole social network thing at last. Now she spends most of her time trolling minor celebrities and leaving abusive comments on the profiles of fellow nursing home residents. But she’s not as bad as her friend, Edith, who is on her last Facebook warning for gratuitous areola exposure.

Hope that helps!

Holly