Ask Holly: After 90 years of the same, I just want everyone to shove off

Dear Holly,

It’s my birthday. Meh. If you’re Queen of England everyday is like a birthday with party dresses and banquets and rubbish presents. After 90 years of the same, I just want everyone to shove off and leave me alone to binge-watch Narcos on Netflix and chill the hell out. How do I explain this to Philip without him interpreting this as slang for something altogether more eye-watering?

Elizabeth

London

Dear Elizabeth,

Birthday parties are sooooo 1980s. Us millennialists aren’t into all that old fashioned ice-cream and jelly musical statues rubbish. We just invite the whole town to come and ransack our parents’ house on Facebook and then Instagram the hell out of the carnage. 

Hope that helps,

Holly