Ask Holly: It’s time to wreak vengeance and put an apocalypse into action

Dear Holly,

I’ve been taking a back seat in world affairs for a few hundred years but things have been deteriorating fast recently: the US Republican candidate race; the migrant crisis; Leicester City winning the Premier League…even Game of Thrones is becoming a little bit shit. So it’s time to wreak vengeance and put an apocalypse into action. I was thinking of appearing to Bernie Sanders and asking him to build an ark. Good plan?

God

Heaven

Dear God,

There should be more children’s programmes dealing with apocalyptic themes. Peppa Pig would spend less time jumping in muddy puddles and more time helping her feckless father to stockpile antibiotics and dig trenches; Charlie and Lola might not be so middle-class and annoying if forced to defend themselves against a blood-thirsty gang of looters… and those dogs from Paw Patrol might stop wasting all their time rescuing daft mute chickens if they were drafted in to clear corpses and set up a perimeter.

Hope that helps,

Holly