Ask Holly: My work colleague makes fun of my clothes

Dear Holly,

Someone at work keeps publicly taking the mickey out of me, and yesterday he thought it would be hilarious to make a joke about my personal style of dress. I stood up for myself and poured scorn on his childish insult with suitably dignified magnanimity, but I realised too late what I should have said was ‘say hi to your mum for me, you fish-faced pig shagger’. 

Now I’m really kicking myself, why can’t I be witty on the spot?

Jez Corbyn

London

Dear Jez,

I blame your parents. They’re too busy blowing their cash on prosecco and designer furniture from John Lewis to realise they’re totally ruining your life by buying you rubbish cheap clothes from Morrisons. Just because every piece from the Nutmeg range is fire-retardant and less than £7.99 doesn’t mean you won’t get your head flushed down the toilet when people find out the truth.

Hope that helps,

Holly