Ask Holly: Putin is actually pretty sound

Dear Holly,

I recently got a new job and although I was worried it might be tough, turns out it’s actually a piece of piss. I’ve already made some new friends, including Vladimir Putin. Everyone told me he’s a dick but he’s actually pretty sound and we have loads in common. He’s invited me round to look at his collection of retro nuclear buttons and listen to apocalyptic music. Do you think he likes me for just friendship or will he expect more? 

Theresa

Westminster

Dear Theresa,

More to the point, have you SEEN Brooklyn Beckham’s hair? This is a classic example of a Shakespearean tragedy: something that could so easily have been avoided, had a series of events not conspired to make it come about – beginning with Posh falling in love with Becks all those years ago. We all thought Brooklyn to be the perfect combination of Victoria’s business savvy and David’s beautiful physiology, but now, with that ridiculous blond hairdo and a failure to do anything useful, we can see he is simply the unfortunate result of a  rubbish singer crossed with a squeaky Cockney thicko. 

Hope that helps,

Holly