Huge spider in no way more scared of you than you are of it

A MASSIVE spider has confirmed that it is in no way more scared of you than you are of it, so you best just keep walking.

Spider Tom Booker made the announcement to his human ‘housemate’ Julian Cook after appearing in his bathroom this morning.

Booker said: “I’m a massive spider who traps and kills things before devouring their corpses. My skeleton is on the outside of my body, like something out of a messed up horror computer game.

“My life is a short, brutal struggle to devour or be devoured.

So you can keep telling yourself that I’m scared of you or just look into my cold, black eyes and realise that is total bullshit.

“I’ve already laid loads of eggs in your pillow.”

Cook said:I was going to hit it with a hammer. But then I run the risk of the spider getting the hammer and that really is the thing of nightmares.

“It’s probably easier if I just move out.”