I’m really enjoying being foreign secretary, especially because I get to noise up mad old Putin. Seeing as Brexit is going so well, should I maybe try to take Britain to the brink of nuclear war too? What japes!
Be careful picking fights with people in case they have a mentalist dad from Glasgow who drinks Tennants Super lager and calls everyone ‘big man’, even babies. He’ll come round your house and start shouting at your mum in a weird language no-one understands and your dad will mysteriously lock himself in the bathroom for 20 minutes.
Hope that helps