Ask Holly: Should I have her sacked, stop her benefits or both?

Dear Holly,

I’ve had a thing going on with a young honey in my local Asda. She’s quite sexy in a working class sort of way, and her lime green fleece really brings out her eyes. I always make a bee-line for her till when I go shopping, relishing the opportunity to give her a smouldering look down my nose as she is ringing my items through the till like my own personal lady-slave. But now our clandestine romance is ruined. My card was declined in error and my beloved serving wench witnessed the whole thing. She must be sniggering about the whole thing with her checkout cronies. Should I have her sacked or stop her benefits or both?

Iain

Westminster

Dear Iain,

Embarrassment caused by getting your card declined pales into insignificance when compared to the immediate and irreversible social death that occurs when you invite your friends to a sleepover on the night that your dad drinks six Magners and tries to show you all how to dance to the Kaiser Chiefs. The only option is to never leave the house ever again.

Hope that helps,

Holly