Ask Holly: If I lose the leadership race I might become a Victoria’s Secret model

Dear Holly,

Mean people have been throwing shade on me: Tony Blair; Liz Kendall; Katy Perry. Basically they all hate me because I win all the awards for being a mad mental left winger. Me and Taylor Swift have so much in common, if I lose the leadership race I am considering becoming a Victoria’s Secret model and releasing a bitchy single about Andy Burnham. But for now, I need some tips on ignoring the haterz and those who want to pit Labour against Labour and some help in coming up with witty subtweets to bring down Blair #Chilcot #Kazakhstan

Jeremy Corbyn


Dear Jeremy,

I recently taught my granny all about Twitter because she got to the end of Breaking Bad and needed to fill the vacuum it had left. Unfortunately she’s had to stop using it quite soon after because she’d been maliciously trolling Mary Berry and cyber bullying Colleen Nolan from Loose Women and my parents had to intervene and delete her account before the police got involved. When it’s all died down I’ll sign the vicious old bag up for Reddit and see what pans out.

Hope that helps!