I used a bad word about someone’s mum on Twitter

Dear Holly,

I used a bad word about someone’s mum on Twitter and now I’m in hot water. Why can’t I use childish sexist slurs without getting into trouble?

Rio Ferdinand

London

Dear Rio,

All the boys in my class must be related or live together or something, because they are always talking about how they saw each other’s mother last night, either at Weight Watchers breaking the scales or getting off with Mr Pooley the weird caretaker again. I don’t know how they find time to do all their homework when they are always observing these women. Also it seems very unfair on mums, because when Sarah Spiers’s dad got caught stealing pants off washing lines we had a special assembly where everyone was told never, ever to mention it.

Hope that helps,

Holly