My GQ award made me realise the sky’s the limit

Dear Holly,

Although there are the inevitable naysayers, I was delighted to receive a GQ award for philanthropy, and it’s made me realise that the sky’s the limit. I am hoping for Best Newcomer at the MOBOs, Miss World 2014 and, most pressingly, Rear of the Year (if only to wipe the smile of the face off that old strumpet Vorderman). Am I being too ambitious?

Tony Blair


Dear Tony,

At the end of last term Jack Price in Year Four won a special prize for being the best at maths. Everyone clapped and he gave a short speech about the benefits of hard work. One hour later, he was ambushed on the way home and had his bag and one of his shoes thrown into the allotments. The moral of the story is that just because you’ve got a shiny thing with your name on it, it doesn’t mean people like you.

Hope that helps,