Ask Holly: Should I go to HR about horrible Ed Miliband?

Dear Holly,

I’ve got a colleague who appears to have it in for me. He’s always arguing with me and moaning about stuff I do and really hurts my feelings by saying nasty things about me. He is so horrid to me all the time. Yesterday, after PMQs I ended up weeping in the toilets, and Nick Clegg had to give me a very long cuddle. Should I go to HR about horrible Ed Miliband?

David Cameron,


Dear David,

You need to sort these things out yourself, because no-one will respect you or want to play with you if you’re nothing but a big tell-tale tit. Next time he starts mocking you just call him a dicksplat and strike him sharply about the head with your Spiderman lunchbox. You might end up being wedgied to death, but at least you’ll die with dignity.

Hope that helps,


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Giroud voted sexiest disappointment

OLIVIER Giroud has been named the hottest letdown in the Premier League.

The Arsenal dreamboat, famous for his wistful pout every time he misses a chance, took first place in the list of frustrating beefcakes.

List compiler Helen Archer said: “Giroud is statuesque, in a good way, but also in a bad way.”

“He sets pulses racing by getting his beautiful body into the six yard box, before slowing those pulses right down again by slicing a shot miles wide.

“You can just imagine him abseiling to your bedroom window to deliver a box of chocolates, before knocking over your pencils and standing on your cat.”

The France striker finished just ahead of Southampton’s Graziano Pelle, who researchers said might get your name wrong, but would at least remember to text you.

Giroud’s manager Arsene Wenger said: “Olivier represents beautiful failure, or as I like to call it, the Arsenal way.”