Agony Aunt
BY PETULA SOUL Britain's most insightful agony aunt.Dear Petula,I’m married and have a baby but I have been attracted to this man at work for a few years. I believe he is attracted to me too because every time I go into his office he points at his genitals and makes grunting noises. I really don’t want to break my marriage vows but I also have a strong urge to lock crotches with this hunk and swap some gravy. Are there any days on which my vows do not apply? Or any places? I read once that vegetarians are allowed to eat meat as long as it’s in an in-flight meal. Obviously I will break them if I have to.Faithful,Farringdon
BY PETULA SOUL Britain's most insightful agony aunt. Dear Petula,It is now approaching five days since I last had my hoggins. Up until now I have not really been tempted to indulge in a meaningless bunk-up or a one night stand as I am told that sex is so much better with somebody you are close too and have known for years. However, after four days of celibacy I’m really starting to feel open to all the options, and my husband will not be back from his golf holiday for another two nights. What do you advise? I’d love to wait for somebody I care for to come along, or failing that my husband. But I am desperate to get my butter churned. Any tips?Gagging,Gloucester
BY PETULA SOUL Britain's most insightful agony aunt. Dear Petula, I have been with my partner for four years now, and while we have spoken about marriage I am not sure about taking the plunge. I have discussed the situation with my other boyfriend, and a few fuck-buddies, and they say it is just nerves ahead of the wedding in May. But I think we should probably just get the whole thing over with as soon as we can. The thing is my fiancée owns his house outright and has a lot of money in savings. I am worried that he might, say, have a terrible accident in his car with his brakes failing unexpectedly while we are on holiday at a mountain resort in Italy next week and I have just asked him to nip down to the village at the bottom of the hill for a jar of pesto. Imagine then how bad I will feel when I open up the cupboard door to get out his will, which I always keep with me, and discover a jar in there all along. If it should happen like that. Hannah, Hampstead