Are you a racist? Take the Mash test

BRITAIN is once again in the midst of Tory-inspired racism row. Take our quick test to find out how much you dislike others on the basis of ethnicity.

1. Do you think all Romanians are thieves?
a) No, I don’t.
b) Not all of them, no.
c) Of course, that’s why they’re all so swarthy.

2. Have you ever tried to scare people with false claims about Eastern European immigration?
a) No, I haven’t.
b) Yes, but only because I’m weak willed and eager to please.
c) It’s pretty much how I spend my day.

3. Do you think people who use racist terms from the US Civil War era are simply guilty of ‘poor judgement’? 
a) Yes, but I also think they’re horribly racist.
b) America had a civil war?
c) I’m pretty sure it was supposed to be a private meeting.

4. Have you ever used the term ‘EUSSR’?
a) No, not even when expressing my disdain for people who use the term ‘EUSSR’.
b) Yes, but only when expressing my disdain for people who use the term ‘EUSSR’.
c) I use it all the time.

5. Do you think there is something intrinsically virtuous about being ‘Anglo Saxon’?
a) No, I actually find the whole thing rather embarrassing.
b) No, it’s much the same as being French, but without all the fucked-up geese.
c) Saying the words ‘Anglo Saxon’ makes me climax.


Mostly ‘a’: Well done, you’re probably not racist, but it was only five questions and for all we know you may have an irrational hatred of the Dutch.

Mostly ‘b’: You’re a bit racist, mostly when reading certain newspapers. And you can stop that any time you want, by the way.

Mostly ‘c’: You’re a racist even though you say you’re not and you get all offended by the very idea, like the racist you obviously are.