Are you a racist? Take the test

BRITAIN is once again in the midst of a Tory-inspired racism row. Take our quick test to find out how much you dislike others on the basis of ethnicity.

1. Do you think all Romanians are thieves?
a) No, I don’t.
b) Not all of them, no.
c) Of course, that’s why they’re all so swarthy.

2. Have you ever tried to scare people with false claims about Eastern European immigration?
a) No, I haven’t.
b) Yes, but only because I’m weak willed and eager to please.
c) It’s pretty much how I spend my day.

3. Do you think people who use racist terms from the US Civil War era are simply guilty of ‘poor judgement’? 
a) Yes, but I also think they’re horribly racist.
b) America had a civil war?
c) I’m pretty sure it was supposed to be a private meeting.

4. Have you ever used the term ‘EUSSR’?
a) No, not even when expressing my disdain for people who use the term ‘EUSSR’.
b) Yes, but only when expressing my disdain for people who use the term ‘EUSSR’.
c) I use it all the time.

5. Do you think there is something intrinsically virtuous about being ‘Anglo Saxon’?
a) No, I actually find the whole thing rather embarrassing.
b) No, it’s much the same as being French, but without all the fucked-up geese.
c) Saying the words ‘Anglo Saxon’ makes me climax.


Mostly ‘a’: Well done, you’re probably not racist, but it was only five questions and for all we know you may have an irrational hatred of the Dutch.

Mostly ‘b’: You’re a bit racist, mostly when reading certain newspapers. And you can stop that any time you want, by the way.

Mostly ‘c’: You’re a racist even though you say you’re not and you get all offended by the very idea, like the racist you obviously are.

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FA Cup won

THE FA Cup was won on Saturday.

The trophy was awarded to a football team at a London stadium and then kept in a cupboard overnight before being placed on a bus.

The FA Cup, known to some football aficionados as ‘the cup’, is contested over several rounds each year between many of England’s teams.

The contest finishes each May with a match which can also be viewed on television.

Following the bus journey the trophy was placed in a cupboard made from glass. It may move to a different cupboard if the tournament is staged again.