FEELING tired and irritable? Probably it’s because you’re possessed by a demonic entity.
Are you in thrall to an evil supernatural being, or are you just lazy? Take our test to find out.
1. Why are there clothes all over your bedroom floor?
A. I live like a student even though I’m getting old.
B. Whenever I see my wardrobe a terrifying croaky voice comes out of me saying things like, ‘I hate all my fucking clothes’ and I start chucking them everywhere.
2. Why are you quite moody?
A. I ate two massive pizzas and three grab bags of Minstrels and stayed up all night watching Netflix.
B. Often when I’m in the office I feel the need to be outside, because the restless animal spirit of a dead pet is still haunting my soul.
3. Why do you snap at your family and colleagues?
A. Because I get FOMO really bad, so I drink most nights.
B. I got an electric shock off my laptop and this black energy went down my finger. Next thing I know my head is trying spin round and I started writing ‘I am Satan’ in biro on my best work shirt.
4. Why do you smell bad?
A. Doing laundry is boring.
B. It’s not a regular bad smell like BO, it is the stench of a decomposing witch called ‘Nanny Scratch’ seeking retribution for being burned 312 years ago.
Mostly As: You are not possessed, you’re just a basic human being who is unable to get their shit together.
Mostly Bs: Nothing is your fault because you are indeed possessed. Consult a Christian or see if you can become possessed by someone with actual life skills.