Are you snorting enough cocaine?

WELL, are you? Let’s take a look…

When was the last time you snorted cocaine?
A. What am I? Made of money? Plus, all the moral and legal implications of it as well.

B. What did you say? Sorry, I was busy snorting this fat line of cocaine whilst ignoring all the moral, legal and financial implications of it.

Would you like some more cocaine?
A. If I took cocaine then yes, I imagine I probably would.

B. Can you get anymore? Have you actually got some on you? If so, what are you waiting for, get that sh*t out, man. Let me just open the window, take some heavy breaths and then put on Crazy, Crazy Nights by KISS first though.

Do you think you might be addicted to cocaine?
A. If by ‘cocaine’ you mean supporting Plymouth Argyle then yes, I’m totally addicted and I’m getting all the comedowns without any of the highs.

B. “We go crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy nights…”

Mostly As: Sorry to say but you are not snorting enough cocaine. We recommend trading in your support for Plymouth and instead getting on the ole white line to glory.

Mostly Bs: Well done, you’re snorting just the right amount of cocaine and that’s unlikely to change any time soon. And you’re certainly not addicted. Not even slightly.