Wednesday, 3rd June 2020

Are you suffering from Corbynism? Try our symptom checker

Funny feelings in your tummy Do people who are centrists or even slightly left-of-centre make your tummy feel a bit funny? Like you think they're worse than Hitler and Darth Vader combined, and you want them dead?

Intermittent blindness Are you critical of the mainstream media but endlessly repost articles from left-leaning websites that have the journalistic credibility of In The Night Garden?

Confusion Are your thoughts muddy and unclear? Do you find yourself saying things like “the British, French and German governments are lying to us, but Russia is telling the truth”?

Memory loss This symptom particularly affects Remain voters. They forget things like how Corbyn's level of excitement for a second Referendum is so small it can't even be measured by the Large Hadron Collider.

Fits of anger Did a bad man say something dirty about Mr Corbyn? Or maybe they've just raised some legitmate concerns about anti-semitism in the Labour Party. Either way you'll find yourself awake at 2am, naked and tweeting horrific abuse at them.