Dear Holly: Any suggestions on what I should ask Donald Trump? Robert Mueller, Washington DC

Dear Holly,
I’m all excited that I finally get to question the Donald as part of my ongoing investigation. But I’m a bit worried I’m going to make an arse of it so I am trying to devise some killer questions in advance. So far I’ve come up with, “President Trump, what is it like being such a colossal, racist, orange fuckwit?”, but beyond that I have hit a bit of a wall. Any suggestions?
Robert Mueller
Washington DC

Dear Robert,
Generally speaking, grown-ups don’t like it when you ask them questions. They go all red and fidgety and try to change the subject, especially if you ask them “where do babies come from?” or “why was daddy kissing that strange lady in Asda car park while you were visiting granny in the home?” or ” why does my brother have different coloured skin from the rest of the family?” Funnily enough, no-one seems up for answering those sorts of questions and might even give you a clip round the ear if you ask too many of them.
Hope that helps!

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Taylor Swift fan’s mind blown after hearing real music

A TAYLOR Swift fan is recovering from having her mind blown after hearing real music for the first time.

Sarah Stevens’ favourite albums include Reputation by Taylor Swift, 1989 by Taylor Swift, Red by Taylor Swift and Taylor Swift by Taylor Swift.

But Stevens has been in a perpetual state of shock since accidentally hearing a few bars Nowhere Man by the Beatles, emanating from a passing car.

Stevens’ mother, Emma, said: “Sarah was a very sensitive child, so we tried to only expose her to comforting, monotonous sounds. Nothing too musically complicated or stimulating.

“Maybe we were a bit overprotective, but she seemed to think the only music in existence was Taylor Swift and we didn’t correct her. Perhaps it’s because it’s the only music playing in the shops.

“She’s only 21 and has no idea what a radio is, so it was relatively easy to maintain the illusion. I now wish we’d tried to gently broaden her horizons,  perhaps with some Duran Duran.”

Sarah Stevens said: “So many different notes.”