Oh just f**k off, say women

WOMEN sick of being criticised for all of their life choices, have told everyone to go fuck themselves.

After a lifetime of being condemned for having children, not having children, having children and going to work, having children and not going to work, being too thin, too fat or wearing the wrong shoes, they have stressed that enough is enough.

Rachel Williams, a female from Kent, explained: “Apparently, if you have a vagina people think they have the right to judge you on every single thing you do . Even your actual vagina.

“And quite a lot of the judging is done by people who have a vagina. What the fuck is that about?”

She added: “Look, we juggle a load of stuff on a daily basis while being underpaid and occasionally getting groped on the tube. We can make humans with our actual bodies and multi-task like a bastard.

“Problem with that? Off you fuck.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Job interviewer pretends neck-tattooed dickhead has a chance

A JOB interviewer was forced to pretend a candidate with a tattoo on his neck was just like any other candidate. 

Joseph Turner admitted he had no option but to act as though Nathan Muir, who also had two full ‘sleeves of ink’, was being seriously considered for a client-facing position.

Turner said: “I tried not to look at it. Or are you meant to look at it? Why would you have that… on your neck?

“The whole time he’s siting there, telling me how much of a people person he is, I’m staring at his neck thinking ‘Is it a word? Is it a pattern? What a fucking idiot’.

“I actually had to ask him ‘Why do you want to be a client manager for an accountancy firm?’ Like I meant it. Like he’s suitable for any job that’s not ‘mob enforcer’.

“I thanked him for coming, told him we’d let him know and then watched him walk away, into a blissful world where having black ink etched into your neck doesn’t make you completely unemployable.”