Do you put the milk in a cup of tea first or are you a normal human being?

Take our test to find out if you’re doing things the right way or you’re doing it like some sort of alien:

Do you put the diluting juice in first and then the water?
A. Yes. Of course, how else would you do it?
B. No. I put the water in and then the diluting juice, then I pour it over my own head while thinking how delicious the juice back on Jupiter is.

Do you save the bit of chocolate at the bottom of a Cornetto until last?
A. Yes. It’s the nicest bit of it and it’s at the bottom, so of course I eat that last.
B. No, I eat that bit straight away. Then I look at the rest of the Cornetto and think how strange Earthlings customs are.

Do you put the milk in a cup of tea first?
A. No, as I’m from planet Earth.
B. Of course I do, because I was born and raised on Jupiter.

Mostly As: Well done, normal person.

Mostly Bs: Fuck off back to where you came from you extraterrestrial oddball.


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Research confirms link between blob of ice cream on floor and child losing its shit

SCIENTISTS have confirmed a link between a blob of delicious ice cream on a floor and a small child that has gone completely mental.

Research by the Institute for Studies revealed that very loud crying began within seconds of the vanilla ice cream landing on the floor in close proximity to the child that is having an epic meltdown.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “He is definitely losing his shit and pointing at the ice cream. But as this is a scientific experiment, we have to simply observe and cannot get involved.

“Also, we are busy eating ice cream just a few feet away while making loud, appreciative noises about how delicious it is.

“This does not seem to help the child in any way. If anything it has made him lose his shit even more intensely.

“It really is delicious. I’m not surprised he’s so incredibly upset.”