Experts identify three new types of racist

RESEARCHERS have discovered three new species of racist, it has been confirmed.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “We haven’t had a new type of racist since the discovery of ‘racist and bitter divorced uncle’ in 1983, so to have three at once is unprecedented.”

The ‘Is That Racist?’ Racist

“With the right audience they would make their racist assertions but as soon they’re challenged they back off with a coquettish giggle like they’ve eaten one too many scones when actually they’ve just said something deeply offensive. They say things like ‘that wasn’t racist in my day’ despite only being 32.”

The ‘That’s Not Racist’ Racist 

“These types of racist claim they’re living in a ‘PC world gone mad’ which could be better described as just ‘a racist world they’re keeping alive.’ They need everyone to be okay with their racist impressions of black celebrities because they got laughs in the past and they haven’t got any other material.”

The ‘I’m So Not Racist’ Racist

“These racists are so beyond racism that anything they say that is clearly racist was always meant ironically. They’re most likely to tell you a horror story about a racist cab driver at a fancy dress party for which they’ve ‘blacked up.’”

Professor Brubaker added: “It’s definitely okay to tell these people to shut the fuck up before they start talking.”