THEY may be nature’s most lethal killers but at least they aren’t Toby Young.
Creatures that feast on flesh may not sound like the ideal wedding guests, but what if the choice was between sitting next to one of these ravening beasts or Toby Young? In that case, these are the beasts you’d be making small talk with whilst waiting for the speeches to start.
Polar bear – A polar bear could kill you in a matter of seconds. Toby Young is a good friend of Boris Johnson’s.
Tyrannosaurus Rex – The most dangerous dinosaur in history or a man who thinks wheelchair ramps are a sign of political correctness gone mad? You’ll be asking Mr Rex if he’s got any holiday plans this year whilst tucking into the delicious tomato soup starter.
Jaguar – May puncture your jugular with dagger-like teeth but at least it won’t bang on about tits in the needlessly elaborate vocabulary of a public school prefect and then steal your pudding.
Vulture – Giant bird or Toby Young? One pecks at the flesh of any dying buffalo that crosses its path and the other is a vulture.
Nigel Farage – I don’t mind sitting at the kids’ table you know.