Five nostalgic things that were shit if you're honest about it

A BIT of nostalgia is excellent, but are you fondly misremembering things that were in fact total bollocks? Let’s find out..

Spud U Like
Wasn’t it great when, circa 1982, all the family went to Spud U Like? No. A typical meal was a potato with baked beans and cheese, or for less adventurous eaters, just butter. The franchise couldn’t have been less ambitious if it had been called Meat Paste Sandwich U Like.

1980s computer games
Men of a certain age have incredibly happy memories of hammering away at their Spectrum or Commodore 64 for days on end. However they forget many of the games were grimly repetitive, consisting of doing the same thing at increasingly mental speeds, or full of rage-inducing bugs and poor design. Addictive rather than good, like crack for 12-year-olds.

It was brilliant when MTV started up in the UK – if you had a desperate urge to watch shit videos for shit songs like Poison by Alice Cooper 15 times a day for a brief glimpse of tits.

The A-Team
Der-der-der-der, der-der-der! So went the theme music before another ‘adventure’ that was completely f**king identical to the last one, but with a slightly different actress with big hair. The possibly-coked-up script writers invariably failed to think of an ending that did not involve putting armour plating on something.

It’s indicative of how bad the 1970s were when the last word in excitement was owning a rubber ball that could bounce really high. After hurling it at your drive for a few minutes it would invariably get lost, leading to tears, weary dads buying a new one and more money for the devious manufacturers.

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Cornwall was great, says liar

A MAN who claimed his family holiday in Cornwall was great is obviously lying, it has been confirmed.

Tom Logan insisted the trip was ‘amazing’ despite all objective evidence to the contrary.

Logan said: “Francesca decided we should stay in the UK this year, what with having small kids and the pound being so weak. I went along with it because I said I’d look into something non-shit but then didn’t.

“I enjoyed paying £2,000 for a week in a tired-looking cottage where I bumped my head on the f**king stairwell every day. And I loved eating out in crowded pubs with lots of other people from Surrey.

“In no way did I miss the kind of travelling we did before we had kids, like that trip to Bali when we had a threesome under a waterfall, before drinking mojitos until we vomited.”

Francesca said: “I’m just going to throw away these old Lonely Planets. They’ll be out of date by the time Tom needs them again.”