Tuesday, 7th July 2020

Five weekend activities that say 'this relationship is dead'

HAVING organised fun with your partner, or grasping for ways to bear their disappointing company? These five activities scream ‘I feel nothing for you’:

Seeing a play

The theatre is the perfect location for avoiding interaction with your partner. Unlike the cinema, you can’t talk through the trailers and if you so much as turn your heads towards each other, some white-haired gentleman will audibly tut.

Doing a dance class 

Do you really want to learn to salsa or is this the only way you can force yourselves to touch each other these days? It may even be an excuse to touch other people, in which case, it’s definitely over, and you’re a creep.

Going to a museum

A sure sign that you’re struggling to fill the gaping conversational void that opens up whenever you’re together. Once you wanted to know everything about each other, now your love is as dead as the trilobite fossil you’re unenthusiastically discussing.

Exercising as a couple

Are you actually having fun playing tennis together? Or were you feeling the urge to release some happy hormones and the thought of doing that in the bedroom makes you feel dead inside?

Attending a wine tasting event

Just a fancy-pants excuse for getting blind drunk so you can distract yourself from the sad, dead carcass of your relationship. The urge to get out the house at all is a red flag: any happy couple would spend the weekend at home, watching different Netflix shows on separate devices.