Friday, 30th October 2020

Adult expects kids' film to solve all her emotional issues

A WOMAN who watched Toy Story 4 is disappointed it did not solve her emotional issue of being an immature, dysfunctional nightmare.

Mary Fisher said: “In a world where we’re killing the planet and I’m going to have a grab bag of Frazzles for my tea again, I look to kids’ films for an uplifting message and clear moral guidance, rather than actually being a*sed to work on my issues.

“Woody and Buzz have been good buddies to me for 20 years, Bo Peep is a kick-ass feminist sister-in-arms and I thought Mr Potato Head could help me face my body image issues.

“But an hour-and-a-half with that gang just reminded me that no one has got their sh*t together, everything’s impermanent and supermarket Frazzles aren’t actually food.”

Fisher’s past failed attempts at self-improvement have included learning mindfulness from Kung Fu Panda, and getting life coaching with Donkey from Shrek.