Have you got ‘British values’?
HOME secretary Sajid Javid has promised to introduce a ‘British values test’ for new citizens. So are you a true Brit or a feckless foreigner?
Take our test to find out.
Name some British heroes.
A. The Duke of Wellington. Aneurin Bevan. Sir Isaac Newton.
B. Gordon Brittas. Tony Hart. Danger Mouse.
What would you describe as typical British character traits?
A. Stoicism, a sense of fair play and sticking up for the underdog.
B. Moaning like fuck about Sandra at work getting a new keyboard when you didn’t. Also a massive sense of victimhood at the hands of everyone from the EU to wasps.
Name some less famous but nonetheless important events in British history.
A. The War of Jenkins’ Ear. The Tonypandy Riots. Operation Anthropoid.
B. Boris telling the EU to suck it. Changes to wheelie bin collections. The news that Jason Statham could make a third Crank movie.
You see a yob being rude to people on public transport. What do you do?
A. Tackle the problem head-on like Winston Churchill and bravely tell the ruffian he’s asking for a punch on the nose.
B. Do nothing, go home and bang on to your wife about it until she is weeping with boredom.
Mostly As. You are clearly a foreigner with some romanticised view of British values. Sod off back to Sweden or whichever hellhole you come from.
Mostly Bs. Well done! You have genuine British values. It is people like you who make Britain the wonderful place it is today.