Have you got enough crap on your hands to use a McDonalds touch screen?

Are you dying to order a burger but worried your hands are too clean? Take the test…

You are really hungry but notice you have a bit of crap on your hands. Do you:
a) Wash your hands immediately.
b) Think, fuck it, it’ll come off when I order a burger.

You decide to go to McDonalds for a spot of lunch? Do you:
a) Grab your keys, wallet and go.
b) Grab your keys, wallet, some random filth and go.

You have just been to the bog. What do you do next?
a) Wipe with toilet paper because you don’t want to walk around with shit on your hands.
b) What is toilet paper?

Before you leave the bathroom, do you:
a) Wash your hands in the sink
b) Ignore the sink. The sink seems difficult.

Mostly As
You don’t like having shit on your hands. Get to the back of the queue.

Mostly Bs
You are ready to place your order on a touchscreen. Bon appetit.

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Couple fall in love over shared hatred of salsa

A MAN and woman who began salsa dancing to meet a new partner have fallen deeply in love over what bullshit salsa dancing is. 

Tom Booker and Carolyn Ryan bonded during their first lesson when Booker whispered ‘I fucking hate this bollocks’ into her ear while they danced.

She said: “When the lights went up at the end of the session we were catching each others’ eye and mouthing ‘Wankers’ at the other students.

“And in the bar afterwards we sat apart from everyone else, because they were all twats, and talked for hours about how salsa’s no better than bloody ballroom dancing but everyone’s bought into this idea that it’s cool.

“He asked me out for a non-salsa evening the next night, which is exactly the kind of thing I love to do, and well, it went on from there. With actual sex. Not bullshit pretend-sexy salsa.”

Booker said: “When she flicked the instructor Vs behind his back, I knew I’d found my soulmate.

“And she fucking hates Breaking Bad! We were meant to be together.”