Shelve all talk of a second independence referendum because it is getting us nowhere; I’ve had a brainwave: I’ll challenge Theresa May (Big T-Doll as we call her in Scotland) to a traditional Highland wrestling competition here at Holyrood and if I win I get to declare Scotland an independent country. Is this a good idea or do I need to lay off the Irn Bru?
The worst type of violence that can be visited upon a person is the classic playground wedgie. Even being punched on the nose is better than having your underpants hoisted over your head by a bigger boy or girl so everyone in the entire school can see you are wearing your brother’s Spiderman pants because yours are all dirty on your bedroom floor. Not that I have any direct experience of this.
Hope that helps!