Your Astrological Week Ahead

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)

Be open-minded to new ideas today and you could be on your way to a budding romance. Or at least anal sex.

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)

This is a good time to try something new in your approach to dating. Rubbing your crotch and grunting does work, but is it really attracting the type of man you are looking for?

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)

Look for creative ways to save cash. If you bring your own lunch, you’ll have more money to spend on drugs.

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)

Focus on finance today – you've got a good head for it so why keep giving it away for free?

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)

This thing between you and the woman you are closest too is experiencing some growing pains. Loosen your trousers.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Instead of allowing apparently impassable obstacles to stop you in your tracks, regain your composure and look at the bigger picture with a clear mind. And then give up.

Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)

Imagine you had to choose between two lovers: one is sensitive, intelligent and perhaps a little homely, while the other is HOT… but lacking in brains. Who cares?

Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)

You find the most surprising people attractive today. There again you have not had it ages.

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)

Getting to know someone new can be daunting. Just sleep with them and get it over with as usual.

Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)

It's easy to rub someone the wrong way if you're not paying attention. But don’t worry, it’s quite hard to actually break it.

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)

You've got to deal with a big issue from the past that's not going anywhere. Well you married him.