Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob
Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)
George Bush? George IDIOT, more like. Am I right? Sorry, I dont really follow the news.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)
It’s a constant source of disappointment to you that Cape Town isn’t full of superheroes.
Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)
Your Twitter profile says youre An expert in social media and communications yet you have under 100 followers, so forgive everyone for reckoning their chinny, wont you?
Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)
This week youre given your own personal Jesus, like in the song, and he spends all day making whiny, passive-aggressive comments.
Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
If you have ever wondered if you’d be able to steer a car after a tyre blows, why not try sneezing while having a piss?
Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
Watching Mad Max this week, you notice they have weapons and armour welded to their cars. So in post apocalyptic society they still have metalwork apprenticeships?
Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
Oh right, everybody loves Man vs Food but when you turn up at the TV exec’s house at 3am to pitch ‘Man vs Supermarket Gin’ you get arrested.
Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will be all like, “Jesus, can everybody please put some pants on?”
Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)
After hours of grooming and styling, you leave the house confident that your nasal hair is looking great today.
Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
They say you should never meet your heroes but since the Nuremberg trials its not really been an option anyway.
Taurus (20 APRIL 20 MAY)
If you had to describe yourself you would say you were a valued friend, a sensuous lover, a trusted colleague and a consummate liar.
Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)
Do not tumble dry. EVER, do you hear me?