PLUCKY Britons are currently ignoring decades of advice about what to do in a heatwave. So what stupid things have you decided it’s OK to do?
Leap into unfamiliar water
There’s no way water can be shallower than you think or full of shopping trolleys. Particularly stupid given all the chilling 1970s public information films about water featuring fairly unambiguous characters such as the Grim Reaper.
Go ahead with a reckless activity
Are you planning to take a group of elderly pensioners up Snowdonia on the hottest day of the year? Just take plenty of choc ices and everything should be fine.
Become dangerously dehydrated
‘Stay hydrated’ is something you only hear every day when it’s hot, so it’s clearly namby-pamby nanny state nonsense. Drink very little water then wonder why you are hallucinating talking vegetables in Asda.
Keep your garden sprinklers on all the time
The socially responsible thing to do. As your neighbours queue in the street for emergency water supplies they’ll be cheered up no end by your lush, immaculate lawn.
Get pissed outdoors and horribly sunburned
It’s a scientific fact that UV light cannot penetrate alcohol-induced overconfidence. In any case your blistered, bright-red skin will soon turn into a tan, as you can explain as you ramble deliriously in A&E.