How are you pretending Brexit is still a good idea?

HOW well are you convincing yourself that Brexit is the greatest moment in British history? Take our test and find out.

How do you feel about being lied to by the Leave campaign?

A. Oh come on. ‘Let’s give our NHS £350 million’ was obviously just a completely vague campaign slogan.
B. Both sides told lies, so by some weird logic that makes lying fine.
C. The only people telling lies are the EU-SSR which wants to literally turn us into slave labourers building their butter mountains and wine lakes.

What is your reaction to predicted NHS labour shortages?

A. We’ll just get people from India and Africa, which is definitely what I had in mind when I voted to get rid of foreigners.
B. We’ll have an army of robot doctors like in The Empire Strikes Back.
C. People dying reduces overcrowding on public transport.

How do you feel about rising food prices?

A. We will just buy more from British producers, like all those mango farmers in Yorkshire.
B. Inflation will level off once everyone is extremely poor and all the food that was going up in price is rotting in lorries in Dover.
C. Why are we giving our hard-earned cash to bloody supermarkets in the first place when there are plenty of squirrels, wasps and pine cones to eat?

Do you think Britain has been weakened on the world stage?

A. No. Everyone fears us for being crazy, like Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon.
B. We’re only weaker compared to strong countries like Germany. If you compare us to places like Liechtenstein we’re really powerful.
C. No one will think we’re weak once Empire 2.0 rolls into action and our imperial atomic zeppelins rule the skies, bringing plunder from new colonies like Britmerica and Brexstralia.

Mostly As.

Oh dear. You’re struggling to convince yourself Brexit is a good idea. Try not reading anything except the Daily Express.

Mostly Bs.

You are doing a good job of deluding yourself. Just be careful not to listen to anyone who talks sense.

Mostly Cs.

Well done! You have completely convinced yourself Brexit is fantastic. Unfortunately you are insane.

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Anti-materialism rant written on brand new iPhone

A FACEBOOK user has written an impassioned rant against the evils of materialism on his brand new iPhone.

Tom Booker, 31, wrote: “We’ve all been brainwashed by consumerism, perpetuated by evil corporations who are destroying our planet and robbing us of our freedoms.

“I’ve posted a link to my podcast on the subject, but you’ll need to listen at home, because the latest iPhone doesn’t have a headphone jack.

“Unless you have Bluetooth headphones like I do.”

Friend Mary Fisher said: “Tom doesn’t believe in material wealth, so much so that he actually confiscated my HD TV.

“He’s even set up a club for anti-materialism activists. They meet on Wednesdays in Starbucks.”