BEING a Gammon is tough enough with traitors trying to reverse Brexit, but many Gammons also are not completely satisfied with their body shape.
There is nothing you can do about your Gammon head, but follow these tips and you can take back control of your Gammon body.
A classic ‘blob’ shape can be exasperating as you’re not really a shape at all, just a pile of sausage meat congealed into a ball. Try an open-collared white shirt and some boot-cut jeans, then at least people will assume you’re human.
While most Gammons yearn for your slim, elegant arms, your portly beer gut makes you look distinctly amphibian. Wear an outfit that balances out the proportions of your frame, like an open collared white shirt and some boot-cut jeans.
The ‘slug’ is similar to the ‘blob’ except with a taller, more sultry frame. Simple fluid lines will make the most of your mollusc-like silhouette, such as an open collared white shirt and some boot-cut jeans.
On the one hand, you look like a turd, but on the other you’ve drunk so much warm ale, who really gives fuck? Pull on your open collared white shirt and boot-cut jeans and head down to the golf club to drink yourself to death while the country tears itself apart.