THE United Nations has changed Britain’s status to ‘clown country’, giving us the same international standing as a backfiring toy car driven by a dog in a fireman’s helmet.
Previously regarded as a major world economy, the UK is now internationally ranked below Italy at the height of Berlusconi’s Bunga Bunga scandal.
A UN spokesman said: “Boris Johnson has forced us to conclude the UK is now a gang of big-shoed goons with painted faces who lose to kangaroos in boxing matches.
“This is not a nation one takes seriously so much as one where visitors take ringside seats with candy floss and watch as the hilarious calamity unfolds.
“We are prepared to release up to £230 million for the construction of a striped tent spanning the UK if we can secure an agreement that any buckets thrown towards the international community will contain only confetti.”
Johnson responded: “This is an outrageous accusation, ladies and gentlemen, outrageous, and I shall crack my whip at anyone who suggests otherwise.
“And now, prepare to be thrilled by the incredible Priti on trapeze!”