UK given official ‘clown country’ status

THE United Nations has changed Britain’s status to ‘clown country’, giving us the same international standing as a backfiring toy car driven by a dog in a fireman’s helmet.

Previously regarded as a major world economy, the UK is now internationally ranked below Italy at the height of Berlusconi’s Bunga Bunga scandal.

A UN spokesman said: “Boris Johnson’s promotion has forced us to conclude the UK is now a gang of big-shoed goons with painted faces who lose to kangaroos in boxing matches.

“This is not a nation one takes seriously so much as one where visitors take ringside seats with candy floss and watch as the hilarious calamity unfolds.

“We are prepared to release up to £230 million for the construction of a striped tent spanning the UK if we can secure an agreement that any buckets thrown towards the international community will contain only confetti.”

The prime minister responded: “This is an outrageous accusation, ladies and gentlemen, outrageous, and I shall crack my whip at anyone who suggests otherwise.

“And now, prepare to be thrilled by the incredible Andrea on trapeze!”