Is it ever right to pay more than £5 for a pint?

THE cost of getting pissed has undoubtedly gone up over the years but do you think it can ever be morally ethical to charge or pay over £5 for a pint of lager? Take our quick test to find out…

1. It’s a very nice, foreign lager?

A. Nah.

B. What the actual fuck?

2. It comes in a really long, fancy pint glass?

A. Seriously?

B. Piss off.

3. It’s over 5%?

A. Still no.

B. Kiss my arse.


Mostly As: Well done. Paying at least £5 or more for a pint of lager is a right mug’s game.

Mostly Bs: Well done. Charging at least £5 for a pint of lager is some straight-up bullshit.

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Burqas apparently biggest issue facing family of twats from Nantwich

ISLAMIC women’s clothing is somehow having a terrible effect on a white, mostly atheist family in Cheshire.

The Sheridan family are angry and upset about a small number of Muslim women wearing burqas, particularly when reminded by politicians and the media.

Mum Donna said: “You could wear a burqa to rob banks. It immediately draws attention to you and there are probably better disguises, but I can’t sleep at night for thinking about it.

“As a family we’ve got our own worries. It’s hard making ends meet and our son Mark can’t find a job after university, but these women wearing strange outfits in other places are making our lives hell.

“I worry that people might think they’re post boxes and put letters through the eye slot so they don’t get delivered. That’s never actually happened, but what if it was your car insurance?”

Daughter Jennifer said: “If everyone wore burqas I wouldn’t know if I was talking to my mum, a teacher or a paedophile. My GCSEs would be bound to suffer.”

Dad Steve Sheridan agreed: “It just doesn’t feel like your own country anymore when women aren’t showing plenty of flabby midriff in ill-advised lycra tops.

“We’re not racist because we worry about all sorts of religious clothing. I’m always fretting about vicars getting dangerously hot under their big cassocks.”