DO YOU use your phone to speak to people who are far away, or to torment yourself when they don’t instantly reply to your inane messages?
Take our test and find out.
You send a text to someone you fancy. After three minutes have elapsed with no reply do you:
A) Think nothing of it. People are busy.
B) Turn into a shivering ball of anxiety and self-flagellation and check your phone every 15 seconds until they finally text back a confusing and disappointing ‘thumbs up’ emoji.
Your battery goes flat while you’re out shopping. Do you:
A) Think ‘I must charge it when I get home’.
B) Panic, run into the nearest branch of Costa and spend the best part of a fiver on a coffee so you can sit by a plug, then receive one text about PPI.
Your phone rings, indicating someone wants to actually talk rather than text. Do you:
A) Answer it with a hearty and delighted ‘Hello there!’.
B) Freeze in horror at the thought of speaking to another human being, then hide it under a pillow until you’re sure they’ve gone.
You download Instagram and look at some pictures. Do you think:
A) ‘Gosh, what a lot of effort people put into making their lives seem constantly amazing when they probably spend most of their time eating crisps.’
B) ‘Everyone else is having such an amazing time while all I do is eat crisps. I must immediately organise a trip up a volcano to drink cocktails!’
Mostly As. Congratulations! You are using your phone as the useful method of communication it was designed to be.
Mostly Bs. You are going to have a nervous breakdown. Throw your phone in the bin and go and live on a remote Scottish island with no wi-fi.