Follow the tips below for the best chance of re-emerging blinking into the sunlight in six months’ time:
Get fat
A good, thick layer of subcutaneous fat will make sure you’re toasty all through the winter months and provide an energy reserve for when you can’t afford food. Start gorging on pies now.
Get drunk
Drinking spirits like whiskey and gin can make you feel warm. In fact alcohol causes blood vessels to dilate, lowering core body temperature. Or not. But whatever, you still feel warm.
Work harder
Too cold at home? Most employers will let you stay on at work as long as you continue being useful, for no extra charge.
Look intimidating
If you’re worried about your annual heating bills, put on a jumper. If you put on a hoodie, you are either too young to worry about heating bills or too old to wear a hoodie.
Listen to warm music
Listening to the right music will give a psychological feeling of warmth. Try The Heat Is On by Glenn Frey, Hot In The City by Billy Idol, Disco Inferno by The Trammps or Blowtorch Slaughter by Cannibal Corpse.
Smoke cigarettes
Smoke indoors, because every winter several hundred people go outside for a fag and almost immediately freeze to death. Also a lit cigarette is a small fire, so encourage your children to gather around it and warm their tiny hands.
