The Mash guide to leaving Facebook 

LEAVING Facebook is harder than putting down the family dog for incontinence.

Here is our handy guide to leaving the devious social media platform:

Instead of endlessly browsing your friend’s pictures, enjoy the candid thrill of peering into their windows at night.

Wear a t-shirt that tells everyone how much you raised for charity and a badge that says ‘Tell me you like me’.

Strap your cutest child to your back and take them to work to staple documents and answer your phone. That real life cuteness will beat any post of them on a donkey.

When a friend tells you something annoying that everyone one already knows is annoying, make a face like an angry toddler and stamp the ground.

Attach a public address system to your car so you can broadcast to everyone passing that your are SO PROUD OF YOUR MUM.

Go to a party and when a friend tells you about their problems just say ‘this is not worthy of my validation’ and walk away.

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Man arrives at work to find he's lost ten years of his life

A MAN has arrived at his office job to find that he has lost an entire decade of the only life he will ever have.

Tom Booker felt something was wrong when he swiped his security card and went to make a cup of tea, before the realisation dawned that he was 38 and had been stuck sitting at the same desk since 2011.

Booker said: “I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was wrong. Then it hit me that I’m nearly 40 years old and I rent the same flat I did when I took a six-month contract here to tide me over until my move to Berlin.

“Jesus, I think I wore this shirt to my interview.”

Booker added that from today, he would get a grip on the passing of time and take responsibility for his life before it was too late.

He said: “I’m very confident that 2021 is going to be the year it happens for me.”