A SPARE bedroom could cost you £22 a week, so there’s no excuse for letting it lie fallow.
Here’s how to turn that money pit into a cash cow:
Soft play area – Fill the room waist-deep with colourful balls, write the words ‘Fun Jungle’ on the door. Tired parents will queue up to dump their offspring at a generous hourly rate, while in your cafe/kitchen they can enjoy a range of hot drinks and banter about how they’ve completely lost interest in sex.
Museum of Erotic Art – A museum is just some shit in a place. People pay big money to walk around them because staring at inanimate objects is ‘educational’ and apparently not just a more boring, antiquated version of telly. All you need is a theme – ‘erotica’ generally works well because it suggests tits. ‘The age of steam’ is good for the UKIP-friendly, borderline racist grandad contingent.
Drugs factory Sometimes the oldies are the goldies. A bedroom full of skunk is easy, profitable, cool like on that Breaking Bad show and best of all its organic. Pro tip: if busted, say there was a seed mix-up and you were growing lemon basil to be sold at farmers markets.
‘Massage’ business – Everyones using prostitutes these days: full intercourse with a prostitute is the modern equivalent of lapdancing. A single girl turning six tricks a day will more than cover your costs, and a prophylactic machine in the hall gives you a little walking-around money.
Church of semi-ironic bullshit religion – Inventing religions is popular again and the tax breaks are really eye-catching. Lift a belief system from a 70s children’s science fiction film and then behave like it’s an actual thing. It’ll start as a bit of fun, but within a month you’ll be trying to hit a football with a poker while blindfolded.