Friday, 6th December 2019

Top three dating apps that you'll never get to use because you're married with two kids for Christ's sake

DATING apps can be a great way to meet people and even have crazy, no-strings sex but what are the best ones that you'll never get to use because are you going to risk everything just for some girl on a dating app? The house, the car, the kids, the wife? Seriously? Let's take a look at what you're missing..

Bumble Bumble offers the chance to meet people in the same area, go for a drink, hang out and probably/hopefully have crazy, hot sex. You can write a nice little bio and even answer amusing pre-written questions as a way of showing how interesting you are, but you'll never get to see any of this because she'd leave you in a heartbeat if she even thought you were chatting to some fit 20-something goth girl who says she's not bothered that you're married. But they all are, in the end. Seriously mate.

Tinder You'll end up paying for the app and then one day the wife will see it on the bank statement, she'll do a bit of research, by which we mean she'll Google it, and she'll know you're on Tinder and then what? You can stay with a friend but their wife won't be happy about it and eventually you'll have to get your own pathetic little place. Get a bloody grip.

Plenty of Fish You're going to risk your four bedroom house, the respect of your kids and a wife who is still, truth be told, pretty fit, just for some girl off POF? Might not even be a girl. Maybe you're being be cat-fished. You could lose everything for what you think is a gorgeous young hippy chick who says she's happily living off the grid but then what? It turns out she's a bloke called Hacksaw. If that's what you're into then fine, but you really need to think this through.

In conclusion, dating apps are fine. Just not if you stand to lose a house, car, kids, a wonderful wife and the dog as well. Think about losing the dog is what we're saying. Could it get any worse than that?