Tuesday, 4th August 2020

Cornwall was great, says liar

A MAN who claimed his family holiday in Cornwall was great is obviously lying, it has been confirmed.

Tom Logan insisted the trip was 'amazing' despite all objective evidence to the contrary.

Logan said: “Francesca decided we should stay in the UK this year, what with having small kids and the pound being so weak. I went along with it because I said I’d look into something non-shit but then didn’t.

“I enjoyed paying £1200 for a week in a tired-looking cottage where I bumped my head on the f*cking stairwell every day. And I loved eating out in crowded pubs with lots of other people from Surrey.

“In no way did I miss the kind of travelling we did before we had kids, like that trip to Bali when we had a threesome under a waterfall, before drinking mojitos until we vomited.”

Francesca said: “I’m just going to throw away these old Lonely Planets. They’ll be out of date by the time Tom needs them again.”