What does your choice of disgusting herbal tea say about you?

Do you drink green tea because it’s good for you, even though it tastes like the boiled piss of the devil? You are a masochist. Follow our guide to find out more.

Detox tea
If you spent last night drinking neat tequila and snorting unidentified white powder off the back of a loo, you’ll need more than some dried herbs in hot water to make you feel better. You are deluded.

Chamomile tea
Similarly, if you haven’t slept more than four hours a night for the last three years, you’ll need to attack that raging insomnia with something tougher than diluted flowers. You are desperate.

Vanilla chai
Proudly displaying this in the kitchen at work won’t actually give you the laid back hippy credentials you crave, because you’ll be sipping it whilst slaving away at that tedious office job. You need a change of career.

Peppermint and Licorice
This tea sounds like a fun, sugary explosion in Willy Wonka’s factory, and yet manages to taste of barely anything at all. You are all style and no substance.

Rooibos
Rooibos or ‘red bush’ is tea that pretends to be actual, proper builders tea, but is in fact caffeine-free and tastes weird. You are not to be trusted.