YOU’VE probably heard of ‘Lib Dems’, but who are these strange people claiming to be a political party?
Lib Dems are a small political tribe scattered across the UK. They resemble normal humans but are more likely to wear anoraks and deliver leaflets no one can be arsed to read.
At certain times Lib Dems decorate their gardens with bright orange signs. Once thought to be some sort of mating ritual, it turns out they are just really into local council elections.
All Lib Dems firmly believe they are the ‘sensible’ party, despite propping up a Tory government full of evil bastards. Many also think their current leader ‘Vince’, a gnome-like figure who may live in the woods, is popular.
Your best chance of spotting a Lib Dem is during local elections. Simply settle down for your dinner and they will immediately appear at your door wanting to talk about potholes.
Besides doing politics, the Lib Dems are also a social club for awkward young people who would otherwise be sitting at home playing PC strategy games or writing shit poems about alienation.
Every year the Lib Dems hold a religious festival called ‘conference’. Here the leader promises this year they’ll be making an electoral comeback and everyone pretends it’s true, like in church.
Lib Dems can turn hostile if you bring up stereotypes such as beards, sandals and real ale. Only mention these to the ones with beards, sandals and CAMRA badges.