What other f**king stupid things can we have a referendum about?

IN case Brexit hasn’t ballsed things up enough, here are some other idiotic things Britain could have a vote about.

Britain is in a political death spiral after we voted to leave the EU for no particular reason. But has Brexit caused enough chaos and pointless antagonism? Or could we fuck things up even more by having a referendum on one of these equally unnecessary things that nobody sane cares about.

Bring back National Service but for wrestling

Because millennials are pathetic, we could have a referendum to restore National Service, not for the army but at a kind of wrestling academy run by Giant Haystacks (or nearest living equivalent of) where they must create patriotic ring personas like the Queen’s Corgi and Charles ‘Slapdown’ Darwin.

Fire a fried breakfast into space

Tick ‘yes’ if you would like to see two sausages, an egg, beans and black pudding loaded into a multi-billion pound space rocket and blasted in the cosmos.

Is Jaws 2 better than Jaws?

Experts claims Jaws is a cinema classic while Jaws 2 is a competent but uninspired sequel. But what do ‘experts’ know? They spend all their time laughed at you from the comfort of their big London houses. The voice of the people on Jaws 2 must be heard!

Something about the size of chocolate bars

Some vague thing about chocolate bars being too small these days. God knows. Everyone involved in this referendum is just doing it to get attention and possibly some sex.

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32-year-old hopes he loses interest in music soon

A 32-YEAR-OLD man hopes he reaches the fabled cut-off point where you stop listening to new music soon, because he has had enough of it. 

Nathan Muir knows that after a certain age men simply stop bothering with any new music, preferring to repeatedly listen to the tunes of their youth, and he has told friends he is ready for it as soon as possible.

He said: “It can’t quite have arrived yet, because when I hear about a hot new band I still feel duty-bound to check them out. Even though they’re always shit.

“And when I go on about how much better Queens of the Stone Age are than anything around today, there’s still a nagging sense of perspective. I don’t have the rock-solid certainty you see in comments on YouTube.

“It’d be nice to never have to bother again, because I keep doing things like listening to the new Arctic Monkeys, so it’s doing me harm.

“It definitely needs to be over before I have kids. A father can’t be open-minded about music. What would they despise?”

Muir also asked at what age he would begin to believe a suit jacket and jeans was a stylish sartorial choice ideal for flirting with younger women, because he is basically ready now.