Parents prepare toddler for life by buying him a little toy cubicle

A COUPLE are preparing their toddler for adulthood by buying him a tiny grey cubicle to sit in all day, it has emerged.

Nathan and Sarah Muir saw 22-month-old Jamie playing on his toy laptop and realised they needed to stop him associating grown-up life with fun.

Sarah said: “My friend’s youngest Isabella loves playing in her little kitchen and looking after her crying doll, so she’s going to be well-prepared for the drudgery that awaits.

“But it was only when Jamie was playing at driving in his Little Tykes Cozy Coupe and wasn’t stuck in traffic beating his head on the dash in frustration we realised he hadn’t learned what he’d be driving to.

“So we’ve got him the cubicle and we’re teaching him to do basic admin in a soul-destroying fluorescent-lit workspace.

“Each day we have different games, like arse-covering, internet skiving, claiming important emails went into his junk folder and, most importantly, clockwatching.

“Once he’s done nine hours and the commute home we reward him with a couple of glasses of grape juice and an hour of Netflix.”

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Woman discovers #metoo not for just general agreement

A WOMAN has discovered that the Twitter hashtag ‘#metoo’ is not meant for just generally agreeing with things.

Nikki Hollis, 27, first saw the hashtag being used in October last year, but failed to realise its significance, and just thought it was a good way to support other Twitter users.

Hollis has used the hashtag to agree with a wide variety of tweets including statements about cheese on toast and cute little dogs.

Hollis finally realised her faux pas when replying to a nostalgic tweet about Thundercats. Hollis wrote: “I always imagined there was something going on between Lion-O and Cheetara #metoo”.

She said: “I was then contacted by a blog that was interested in my feminist reading of Lion-O’s toxic masculinity, and would I be interested in writing an article”

After a protracted and bewildering exchange of messages, Hollis’ confusion was finally cleared up.

She added: “They sent me a link to the Wikipedia page about the Me Too movement. Sounds awfully serious.”