Who said it? Theresa May or a child's doll given life by the dark arts?

THERESA May is a divisive figure in British society, with some people hating her and others wondering how in the name of god she is still prime minister – but who said it? The self-styled ‘New Iron Lady’ or a doll that has been given life by a warlock who seeks to wreak havoc on a young family in small town America?

1. “In tough times, everyone has to take their share of the pain.”

Your first thought is that this could only have been said by a hideous creature whose sole reason for being is to terrorise and bring pain to others.

Answer: Theresa May

2. “I’d like to see the Human Rights Act go because I think we have had some problems with it.”

Obviously, a only sociopathic automaton whose powers of evil were brought about through witchcraft would say such a thing. Or perhaps not?

Answer: Theresa May

3. “We will continue to work with our friends and allies in the Democratic Unionist Party.”

They say you can judge a person by the company they keep, so whoever said this must be fine with cosying up to nutjobs without even a flicker of conscience.

Answer: It was both.

4. “Anti-social behaviour blights lives, wrecks communities and provides a pathway to criminality.”

Answer: It was the doll, talking about Theresa May

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Giving Murdoch total control of UK for last 40 years ‘not in public interest’, says watchdog 

A MEDIA watchdog has ruled that giving a rabid Australian complete control of Britain for the last four decades was not in the public interest.

The decision to hand all major functions of government over to Rupert Murdoch in 1978 was, according to Ofcom, made without proper consultation and has ultimately been to Britain’s detriment.

A spokesman said: “Elections are messy, no doubt about it, but letting the Sun newspaper decide every prime minister since 1979 has caused its own problems.

“Likewise, the relentless pursuit of an extreme right-wing agenda to remove all rights from individuals, awarding them instead to corporations, has actually made ordinary Britons’ lives measurably and provably worse.

“When we look back over 40 years and every key disaster, from the poll tax to the Iraq war to Brexit, has been made by Murdoch while the British people pay the price, we have to recommend that control be returned to the people.”

Following the ruling, culture secretary Matthew Hancock announced that Ofcom was dissolved without further notice and cleared Sky’s hostile takeover of the BBC.