Teenager in suspiciously good mood

A TEENAGER has aroused the suspicion of his parents after emerging from his bedroom in an uncharacteristically good mood.

17-year-old Tom Booker typically communicates in a series of barely intelligible grunts, peppered with the occasional door slam.

His mother, Emma Booker, said: “The Tom I know is a moody, unpleasant little arse, so why the sudden shit-eating grin on his face? What’s he up to?

“I’ve got half a mind to snoop, but I hate going into his room because it reeks of him trying to cover up whatever the hell he’s been doing in there with copious amounts of Lynx Africa.”

Tom Booker said: “Honestly, it’s just a beautiful day. The sun is breaking through the clouds and I just really appreciate everything my wonderful mother does for me.”

Emma Booker added: “See? That’s fucked up isn’t it? I just hope it’s something harmless, like a weird sex thing or soft-to-moderate drugs.

“Oh Christ, what if it’s Scientology?”

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'Are you looking forward to the Royal weddings?' asks woman who assumes you have a melon for a brain

A WOMAN who assumes her colleague has a melon for a brain has asked her if she is looking forward to the Royal weddings.

Mary Fisher, 48, works with Nikki Hollis, 29, at an office in Swindon and after making the assumption that instead of having a mind, Hollis had a large tropical fruit in her skull, Fisher thought she would ask her about the Royal nuptials.

Fisher said: “I assumed Nikki, like me,  has the mental capacity of a balled out melon so I thought I’d ask if she was looking forward to getting the bunting out twice this year?

“I’m sure she was only joking when she stared at me blankly and asked, ‘What’s bunting?’ but I thought I’d go along with it and clarify that I was talking about the Royals.

“Then she burst out laughing and said, ‘Oh yeah, I can’t wait.’ Thinking on it, she might have been being sarcastic actually.

“But then if she was being sarcastic then maybe she isn’t looking forward to the Royal weddings at all and then maybe that means she doesn’t even have a melon for a brain either.”

Hollis added while laughing: “Yeah, the Royal Weddings, can’t wait for it mate.”